What are Men Thinking about Women?

With or Without You: What are Men Thinking about Women

Directed by Tom Sands and Ramsay S James (2012)

Film Review

In this highly amusing documentary, the filmmakers ask random men on the street a series of questions about women. They intersperse their answers with so-called “experts”* who have made a life study of male-female relationships.

The overall impression I took away is that men feel a strong expectation to talk about women in terms of their booties, boobs and legs. However most of the men in the film (including the so-called experts) share a strong expectation for women to fulfill deep-seated emotional needs and feel angry and bitter when women fail to do so.

Aside from some really bizarre and convoluted pronouncements, a few of the experts came out with some really valuable insights:

• Human courtship is contaminated by a range of political and sociological factors (I was disappointed the film failed to explore some of these.).
• A man who doesn’t fully know and accept himself is unlikely to have a successful relationship with a woman.
• A man who doesn’t know and accept his feminine side (so-called “feminine” traits such as empathy, nurturing, instinct and intuition) is unlikely to be successful in love.
• Men’s anger towards women nearly always stems from unresolved conflict within themselves or towards their mothers.


*Psychologists, psychotherapists, a sex therapist, a tantric master and an Anglican priest.

7 thoughts on “What are Men Thinking about Women?

  1. “• Human courtship is contaminated by a range of political and sociological factors (I was disappointed the film failed to explore some of these.).”

    What we have today, as ‘courtship’, is a product of politics, religion and societal ‘norms’ to begin with, in my opinion. I doubt that any of us know what a real relationship between a man and woman should look like. I know I have no idea!

    “• A man who doesn’t fully know and accept himself is unlikely to have a successful relationship with a woman.
    • A man who doesn’t know and accept his feminine side (so-called “feminine” traits such as empathy, nurturing, instinct and intuition) is unlikely to be successful in love.
    • Men’s anger towards women nearly always stems from unresolved conflict within themselves or towards their mothers.”

    It seems to me that you could replace man with woman in these points as well. I had a few relationships, in the past, where I was treated like dirt because of the woman’s bad relationship with her father. One of these was a relationship, in college, lasted almost two years. I was a glutton for punishment back then, and to easily infatuated.

    I am so glad to be old and out of this “continuous if loop,” to put it in computer-language speak. Life is hard enough as it is;-)

    Like

    • In my experience, there are distinct differences between men and women as regards intimacy needs. Most women are socialized to look after the emotional and social needs of men and most men are socialized to expect women to look after their needs. I think a few of the men showed this quite clearly in the film – that their anger stemmed from the women’s unwillingness to to play the role of emotional caretaker as the men had been led to expect.

      Now that women are under pressure to contribute to the family income by working, while simultaneously looking after children and the housekeeping, many are seeking a more equal relationship with with men – where the men look after their own emotional and social needs.

      At least this was what I found when I worked with adults in Seattle. The women simply couldn’t handle the stress of work, children and their husband’s needs simultaneously – most found it far less stressful to raise their children on their own.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Won’t get any argument from me!

        You just described the life of my poor mother, who had to work along side my father, and then come home and be a mother and father to me, as well as a mother figure to my brain damaged (not kidding) father, who had no idea of how to care for himself, her or me, beyond bringing home a paycheck.

        And from what I remember, this was true with most of my mother’s closest friends as well.

        As I’ve said before, being saddled with one human being for life is absolute tyranny for both the woman and the man! And there are almost none of us who have any idea of how to change ourselves in order to change this asshole dynamic.

        As with religion, I am through with and despise marriage: another mind-control device that was created by man, and not some god.

        Like

  2. For me women are mos respectable. Because women are the roots of the society and men are branches. Deeper the roots, stronger the branches. ”The woman is the root of all life; man can at the most be a branch …I have put so many women here, and slowly slowly they will take over the whole soil and leave you free, leave men free to grow into flowers.” The Goose is Out http://bit.ly/1QwBcLD

    Like

  3. Pingback: What are Men Thinking about Women? Film and Review | Talesfromthelou

  4. My two cents:

    I don’t think of a person as being either a woman or a man. I think of a woman, like I think of a man, as being a person, a unique individual who, like everyone else, will have imperfections as well as perfections, weaknesses and strengths, whose mind, like mine, will grasp reality in some respects while being clueless in others.

    Because I am heterosexual, sexually speaking, I’m very particular to the feminine physique; I can’t say why, I only know that that’s how I’m wired.

    I’m NOT particularly attracted to women who have strong opinions about “what a woman is or should be” and “what a man is or should be.” Take me as I am or don’t, and I’ll likewise take you as you are or won’t.

    Treat me with respect, and I will reciprocate.

    I am not a stereotype and neither should you be.

    In the bedroom, let us explore one another and learn, together, what pleasures us both, together.

    Outside the bedroom, let us be partners, parents to our children, and kind and forgiving to one another, sharing a true and honestly felt commitment to and responsibility for one another.

    I am a man. You are a woman. Yes, I love your tits and your ass, but that is not the sum of my affection for you, not the tenth part of it.

    I am attracted to a woman who feels herself the equal of who I am, neither above or beneath me, because that is how I relate to anyone until they show themselves to consider themselves either more or less than I am. If you think you are more than I am and can’t tame either your conceit or contempt, not being a masochist, it’s fuck you, see you later. If you think that I think I’m better than you are or that I think I’m superior to you in some wise because I have a dick between my legs and you can’t get past that peculiar neurotic projection of yours, it’s also fuck you, see you later, because I’m neither a sadist nor a crutch, which isn’t to say that I’m not prepared to sacrifice myself for you, but I won’t allow you to slander me in your mind or your attitude toward me.

    I am a man. I am a person. You are a woman. You are a person. I like your body. Lets get to know each other and if it turns out that each of us is what the other needs, in all of our particularities, then maybe we are a match until, perhaps, we are no longer.

    I’ve been with my wife since 1978. In my mind, she’s not “my” wife. She is my best friend and my lover, the person on this earth who knows me best, and I am the person who also knows her best. The relationship has always been one of deep mutual respect, honesty and dialogue, and a genuine concern for the other.

    I say, banish the labels of ‘man’ and ‘woman’ in so far as you are able, that you may better recognize and appreciate yourselves in the other sex, irrespective of what your reproductive organs may be.

    Like

    • I’m with you, Norman about banishing the labels of “man” and “woman.” A lot of young people have already done so by referring to themselves as “non-binary.” Instead of ticking “male” or “female” on census and other forms, I now refer to myself as “non-binary.”

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.